My own personal goal for this month… next month… any month, really: to swear less. At least in front of the children. At the children. I mean, in front of the children. I don’t swear at them. At least not out loud. Much. Hey, it’s been a stressful month, ok? Anyway. My goal. Swear less. So it’s eerily appropriate that I revisit today the time Cinder regaled me with all the swear words he knew.
We picked up some books at the library yesterday, including a stack of “Phonics Comix” for Cinder by request. He’s flipping through one on the way to the car. “Fuck! The only word in this book I can read is “moo!” Well, I guess this one here is probably cow…”
A few hours later that night, as we are getting ready for bed, said child comes up to be with a sneaky look on his face. “Hey, mom–do you want to hear me say all the swear words I know?”
(What, by the way, would be the proper response to this request?)
I say, “Um, not particularly.”
“Are you sure?”
“Have you a burning desire to regale me with all the swear words you know?”
So he starts to list off—an amazingly modest list, actually that starts with “darn”—not “a real one, but apparently it used to be, did you know that?”—gives top billing to “Jesus Christ!” (which is what Catholic-raised I holler when I explode a pyrex baking dish and what not)—proceeds through shoot, shit and fuck, adds for reasons I do not understand “shoulder” and then, after a dramatic pause, finishes with hell.
“So, do you want to know how I learned these?”
“Unfortunately, I think we can trace pretty much every single one of those to either me or Daddy.”
“Um… I guess. But actually, the other day, at the potluck party, we played this game, Truth or Dare, and one of the kids was dared to say all the swear words he knew, and he did, and I was taking notes.”
“You know, mental notes. And KH said swear words were useful things to use if you wanted to offend your enemies, did you know that?”
“But if I want to offend my enemies, I know something better! Know what?”
“I will bend over and fart at them!”
From Life’s Archives, Swearing, February 3, 2009
If you liked this, you’ll love this: Why Parents Swear
I truly look forward to your posts – you must have the cleverest and most witty kids in the whole world. Thank you for yet another giggle.
I think of them as mildly insane! But very amusing. Thank you for the kind words–they are much appreciated.
Oh. My. Goodness. I have to show this to my husband. I got all my (well most of them) swear words out while pregnant. Hubby? Not so much. I just know my daughter is going to get in trouble in school from what she learns from him. Argh!
Anyway, you are so funny so:
I am passing the “Tell Me About Yourself” award to you!
Thanks, TaurusMom! 🙂 I’ll dig up my “Daddy would say fuck” story for you and your husband next week as a thank you.
Pingback: Funky Friday | Nothing By The Book Days
For fans of the swearing child: https://nothingbythebook.com/2012/04/01/why-parents-swear/
Ha! I think the only appropriate response to this is ‘Holy shit that’s funny’.
My most frequent offense is God damn it and it got uttered a lot at the end of my second pregnancy, so it’s a favourite of my son’s. A few weeks ago my husband let an f-bomb slip. Toddler started running laps (literally) around the main floor yelling “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” DH picked him up and had a nice cuddle and said he was sorry for using that word because it wasn’t nice and we shouldn’t say it anymore ok? “Ohkaaay” replies toddler who then squirms away and immediately resumes his laps yelling “Godammit!”
But at least he did as he was told and stopped saying f*** right? 🙂
LOL. Cinder is drilling Ender in using “Butt sack!” as his swear of choice these days, and I can’t decide if that’s good or bad. I mean, it’s not really *good*… but it could be so much worse…
Pingback: “How to help 10-year-old boy with existential angst” | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: Why I blog | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: Quote this: A Mother’s Prayer | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: How you know he’s his mother’s son… | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: Of boys, girls, oblivion, awareness and frustration; (or why women think men don’t understand them) | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: Quote this: A.S. Neill on parents and the yearnings of childhood | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: Revelation: “So this is why you go to Mom’s Nights Out?” | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: “Mom? Where you cool when you were a teenager?” | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: And now, a short exposition on the hidden horrors in your home | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: The Family that eats together, or “Help! I can’t make my kids stay sitting at the table through the meal” | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: He’s so his mother’s son, part deux | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: Picky eaters: how can he know he doesn’t like it until he takes a bite? | Nothing By The Book
Pingback: Merry Christmas, from Mythbusters and Cinder | Nothing By The Book