Why Parents Swear

…or, more appropriately perhaps, why children swear?

Language warning for the sensitive of eye and ear.

What they didn’t tell you in any of the parenting books is just how gross the first years of parenthood are. Snot. Poop. Or, as we used to call it in the time before children—shit. So many, many shit stories.

So here, to celebrate April Fools’ Day, is the one of the best two-in-one poop-n-swear stories from Flora’s first year. Cinder was two months short of three years.

Flora has the mother of all blow outs first thing in the morning. (I’ve always thought people exaggerated when they reported these kinds of things; now I know.) There was poop up her back to her hairline; grosser still, it went up her sleeves to her elbows.

Aaaah!” I say, as I realize it left the diaper.

Iiick!” I say, as I realize it’s soaked through the entire sleeper.

Ugh!” I say as I realize it’s leaked through the sleeper onto the sheet and the mattress.

What happened?” Cinder, sitting beside the bed, asks. I summarize. Cinder looks.

Do you want to say fuck?” he asks after a moment.

What? Why?” I stammer. My toddler—my baby—what’s coming out of his mouth?

Daddy would say fuck,” he says seriously.

From Life’s Archives, March 31, 2005.

Seven years later: The first time Ender said fuck, I wasn’t the slightest bit surprised. Mortified beyond belief because of where we were at the time, but definitely not surprised (that story’s here). We do learn something along the journey. Not always what we’re supposed to learn, or what we should learn, but we do learn something.

diaper pile

4 thoughts on “Why Parents Swear

  1. Yup! We live for shit! We announce it and keep tally. We have fart contests. And my personal favourite whereever we go….Kloe at 4 after going crap yelling out to me at the top of her lungs “MOM I WENT POO CAN YOU WIPE MY BUM!” Funny at first. Even more funny at a restaurant or someone’s house. SHIT! Who would have thought it would be so entertaining.

  2. Pingback: “Want to hear all the swear words I know?” | Nothing By The Book

  3. Ahhhhh! This is what I have to look forward to. My husband does not watch his mouth at all. Sigh. Too funny, though.

  4. Pingback: Merry Christmas, from Mythbusters and Cinder | Nothing By The Book

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