Category Archives: Those Conversations

The gems. The reason you’re hear. The pearls that come out of the mouths of children. The moments that have us rolling on the floor with laughter… and forgiving the little dudes for everything.

Rocky Mountains, Googles, and Tragic Anatomical Accidents

I’m eavesdropping on this bathtub conversation right now:

Austen: Flora? You know the Rocky Mountains? How they were formed?

Flora: How?

A: From dinosaur bones.

F: Austen, do you think I’m stupid?

A: No… but I was hoping you were gullible.

a few minutes later:

F: What’s a number with six zeros called again?

A: A million.

F: How about with seven zeros?

A: That’s boring, why don’t you ask me what a number with 100 zeroes is called?

F: Because I know that’s a google. What’s a seven zero one called?

F: Oh, it’s called a… oh, I don’t know. Mom! What’s a number that’s one with seven zeros called?

Jane: The first number with seven zeroes is… um… [grabs a piece of paper…] ten million.

A: Well? Isn’t that boring?

a few minutes later still…

[I zoned out for the intro to this, so have no idea what led to this]

Flora: And is that how the tragic penis-vulva accident happened?

J: What?

A: You probably don’t want to know, Mom!

Halfway to 18

Austen: I like being nine. Halfway to 18.

Jane: Excited about being able to vote?

A: What? No–excited about being able to own a gun!

I might have gone horribly wrong somewhere here…

Dark Side of Purging

Cinder has just come back back from throwing out the garbage with, “Mom! There’s some really useful stuff in the dump; come check it out!”

Um, yeah. Most of it *was* ours. All the stuff I couldn’t freecycle, and Goodwill wouldn’t take? Sigh.

Most of it *did not* come home.

“Everything’s Within Reach”

Austen [precariously balanced on you-don’t-want-to-know-what]: “Everything’s within reach. You just have to figure out how to reach it without getting killed.”

Matchmaking

Flora: Mom, do you think Ender will still want to marry Baby M now that she gave us all stomach flu?

Jane: Um… I don’t think Ender has any plans to marry M.

F: Oh, I know, he’s too young to think of such things. I’ve arranged it for him. But do you think it will happen now?

J: When… how… why…

F: It’s good to get these things taken of early, you know, and then you can get on with life. I’m worried about Cinder: I really don’t know who he’s going to marry. Jade and Skye are definitely not interested. Maybe Moxie: she has an obnoxious older brother too, so she’d be able to deal with him.

Ex-Boyfriends

Flora to Cinder: Ex-boyfriend means your friend used to be a boy, but now he’s a girl. 

Baby Seductor

Flora: And here is Ender, adored by all lady babies across Canada.

Whispering Death Rainbow

Cinder: So now everyone choose a name for your dragon, and its powers.

Flora: I know, I know, Whispering Rainbow.

K: That’s a pretty good name, but it needs something… Like Death. Whispering Death Rainbow.

Flora: Ok, that works, Whispering Death Rainbow. 

Living With a Biter

Flora: Ender, I am not a steak!

A Peculiar Aroma

Cinder: Mom, do you smell a peculiar aroma?

Jane: No… why, should I?

C: Not even on my leg?

J: Your leg smells? Why?

C: Because I put perfume on it.

J: Why did you put perfume on your leg?

Cinder: [laughing and jumping away joyously]: BECAUSE… I’M… WEIRD!

You’ve Been Warned

Austen: Mom, remember how there were 17 kids at Flora’s birthday party? Well, there are only going to be 7 here today–and I have to warn you. It won’t be like Flora’s. … we’re all going to be hyper and it’ll probably feel like there are more than 17 kids here. Because we are going to form an army and take over the co-op.

Neighbours, take cover. Austen’s birthday party starts in five minutes. 

Gunpowder

Cinder: Mom, can K and I have some sugar? Don’t worry, we don’t want to eat it — we just want to make gunpowder. 

Flora’s List

We learnt something a little terrifying today.

We visited Vancouver Island last month, and met a lovely unschooling family with three children, two boys aged 15 and 10, and a girl, Nibs to friends, Flora’s age. You’d think Flora and Nibs would click, and they certainly did enjoy playing with each other. But it was the 10-year-old brother who captured Flora’s heart. She impressed him too. He hospitably took both Austen and Flora to the playroom as soon as we arrived so they could check out his Lego collection. A while later he came down, “Gosh, Mom, that little girl is really intelligent,” he told his mother. “She knows all about Star Wars.”

Driving home today, in the middle of Calgary’s inevitable May snowstorm, Flora, out of the blue, announced, “I’m not quite sure who I’m going to marry yet.” This, incidentally, has been a question that’s been weighing heavily on her mind ever since she found out she couldn’t marry Austen. (“Yuck!” she said. “I am not mating with a stranger!” Good to hear, girl, good to hear.) Sean and I looked at each other, biting our lips. “But,” Flora continued, “K. is definitely on the top of my list. Because he knows all about Lego and Star Wars, and those are important qualities in a Daddy.” Pause. “And he has nice blond hair.” Pause. “So I’m not quite sure yet. But he’s at the top of my list, and I think he’ll be hard to beat.”

We didn’t laugh. But Sean did say, “Flora? You have a list?” To which she responded, “Of course, Daddy. Didn’t you?”

The Most Important Word

Cinder: Ender, I’m going to teach you how to spell your first word. It’s the most important word for a baby to know. Ready? The first letter is B. You might think I’m spelling bum or barf, but no. I’ll teach you those later. B-O-O. No, I know what you’re thinking, it’s not Booger. Ok, where were we? B-O-O… and B. B-O-O-B. See? Isn’t that the most important word for a baby to know? I’ll teach you Booger tomorrow.

Nipple Malaria

Cinder: I just tested, and Ender the baby has an advanced case of nipple malaria. Flora–go get Mom! This is a disease that’s very common to babies and there is only one known cure!

P.S. Remember what I said about not remembering November? Ditto for December. Thank goodness Sean took lots of pictures and videos. I can look at them and say, hey, that’s what we did. Cool.

Of Brains And Cartilage

Cinder to Ender: I’m going to try to transfer you to the taco station [wrapping in blanket] without breaking any of your bones… SUCCESS! This is why a baby’s skeleton is made of cartilage, Ender–to minimize big-brother-caused breakage…

Later…

Cinder to Flora [as they take their Horrible Science Plaster of Paris brain out of its cast]: See, Flora, Ender’s brain just about this big. I mean, small. That’s why he can’t talk yet.

He’s A Keeper

Flora, six months ago: Well, it doesn’t really matter if the baby’s a boy, because Valerie will probably have a girl, and we can trade her.

Flora, today, to Ender: I have some good news, Ender. We’re going to keep you, even though you’re a boy, because you’re just so cute!