Cinder: Mom? Do other moms swear this much when they bake?
Jane: Yes. Yes they do. Now where the fuck is that spatula?
Cinder: I think the dog’s licking it.
Jane: Fucking hell! Wash it! We need it to ice the cake.
…
Jane: Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!
Cinder: Mom? How about I ice the cake?
Jane: Oh thank God. I’ll just get you the food colouring. And the vodka.
Cinder: We need vodka?
Jane: Um, yes.
…
And you know what I hope? That at one point, some time in the future, they realize that each act of my swearing-infested baking, each batch of rock-hard cupcakes, every lopsided cake, and are-they-supposed-to-taste like this cookies–each one of those was an act of unconditional love.
Because I fucking hate baking. And every time I do it–and, frankly, I do it as rarely as possible and only when they ask (beg) me to–I do it only because I love them.
Photo: Cinder and his Minecraft watermelon block cake. Only partially ruined by Mom.
Nothing By The Book 
This is how I feel about cooking. One hopes my family develops the same kind of appreciation. 🙂
Hope springs eternal…
I love baking, but cooking lately with my two under my feet is starting to feel like this!!
I love that the older two are essentially taking over this task. This last disastrous cake, really, by the end of it, was 75 per cent Cinder. Soon–100 per cent Cinder. 🙂
LOL. I love baking, but not with kids! I think if I had a swear infested activity, it would be sewing.
Hahahaha. I love baking and cooking, but when I feel like it, and what I LIKE to bake/cook. I can’t imagine doing it with kids around though. Kudos to you!
Made you (shout?) Made you stare. Made you lose your underwear.
That was more (or less) the song, a ‘girl’s’ song of my primary days.
i’m not a girl and I like baking even with distractions. No, I like everything that I shouldn’t especially with child centred distractions. No, I’m not gay. Your post is very real and made me laugh and comment (aka think?)
I remember my Dad swearing alot but it was doing automotive stuff and it scared me away. I think as long as you communicate where the feelings are coming from, you are good 😉 ❤ I like baking because it involves a sweet treat aft but often swear when making / burning dinner which is why that is more Kelly's job ❤
This made me giggle the entire time I read it. I’m not enjoying your pain (okay, maybe a little), but you sure are hilarious when you’re pissed. Happy baking?
We must have been separated at birth. I HATE baking with a passion. My husband does it all during the holidays. But now that you mention vodka, I’m thinking I might get inspired!
I can envision a universe in which I have a) nothing else to do and b) someone to do all the clean up in which I might, conceivably, possibly enjoy baking. I genuinely like cooking. But I think with baking… perhaps it’s because there’s so much less of a margin for error? Perhaps because it’s all so frivolous? Perhaps it’s because I can’t actually eat anything I bake?
Or perhaps it’s just because baking sucks goats.
I feel your pain! Love the vodka comment! Ha
We did actually need vodka to mix in with the food colouring. Yeah. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Love it! I hate it too! Flour everywhere, butter smearing, stupid toothpicks to test the cake…ugh. The only baking I do is to mix eggs and oil with the box stuff and even that get tedious.
Toothpicks to test the cake? @#4#$. Another thing I do wrong… 😛
I love the fact that you admit to swearing around your kids;) I don’t hate all baking, but I won’t do anything elaborate or fussy any more.
Totally with ya… I’m a baking disaster. Hate it. I’ve already told my cousin she has to make all my children’s “excavator” and “Barbie doll” cakes.
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