Cinder: Mom? Do other moms swear this much when they bake?
Jane: Yes. Yes they do. Now where the fuck is that spatula?
Cinder: I think the dog’s licking it.
Jane: Fucking hell! Wash it! We need it to ice the cake.
Jane: Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!
Cinder: Mom? How about I ice the cake?
Jane: Oh thank God. I’ll just get you the food colouring. And the vodka.
Cinder: We need vodka?
Jane: Um, yes.
And you know what I hope? That at one point, some time in the future, they realize that each act of my swearing-infested baking, each batch of rock-hard cupcakes, every lopsided cake, and are-they-supposed-to-taste like this cookies–each one of those was an act of unconditional love.
Because I fucking hate baking. And every time I do it–and, frankly, I do it as rarely as possible and only when they ask (beg) me to–I do it only because I love them.
Photo: Cinder and his Minecraft watermelon block cake. Only partially ruined by Mom.