I f#%$ing hate baking

Photo on 2013-02-14 at 15.35 #2

Cinder: Mom? Do other moms swear this much when they bake?

Jane: Yes. Yes they do. Now where the fuck is that spatula?

Cinder: I think the dog’s licking it.

Jane: Fucking hell! Wash it! We need it to ice the cake.

Jane: Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!

Cinder: Mom? How about I ice the cake?

Jane: Oh thank God. I’ll just get you the food colouring. And the vodka.

Cinder: We need vodka?

Jane: Um, yes.

And you know what I hope? That at one point, some time in the future, they realize that each act of my swearing-infested baking, each batch of rock-hard cupcakes, every lopsided cake, and are-they-supposed-to-taste like this cookies–each one of those was an act of unconditional love.

Because I fucking hate baking. And every time I do it–and, frankly, I do it as rarely as possible and only when they ask (beg) me to–I do it only because I love them.

Photo: Cinder and his Minecraft watermelon block cake. Only partially ruined by Mom.

18 thoughts on “I f#%$ing hate baking

  1. Made you (shout?) Made you stare. Made you lose your underwear.
    That was more (or less) the song, a ‘girl’s’ song of my primary days.
    i’m not a girl and I like baking even with distractions. No, I like everything that I shouldn’t especially with child centred distractions. No, I’m not gay. Your post is very real and made me laugh and comment (aka think?)

  2. I remember my Dad swearing alot but it was doing automotive stuff and it scared me away. I think as long as you communicate where the feelings are coming from, you are good πŸ˜‰ ❀ I like baking because it involves a sweet treat aft but often swear when making / burning dinner which is why that is more Kelly's job ❀

  3. We must have been separated at birth. I HATE baking with a passion. My husband does it all during the holidays. But now that you mention vodka, I’m thinking I might get inspired!

    • I can envision a universe in which I have a) nothing else to do and b) someone to do all the clean up in which I might, conceivably, possibly enjoy baking. I genuinely like cooking. But I think with baking… perhaps it’s because there’s so much less of a margin for error? Perhaps because it’s all so frivolous? Perhaps it’s because I can’t actually eat anything I bake?

      Or perhaps it’s just because baking sucks goats.

  4. Love it! I hate it too! Flour everywhere, butter smearing, stupid toothpicks to test the cake…ugh. The only baking I do is to mix eggs and oil with the box stuff and even that get tedious.

  5. I love the fact that you admit to swearing around your kids;) I don’t hate all baking, but I won’t do anything elaborate or fussy any more.

  6. Pingback: Board game Friday and strategic acts of violence | Nothing By The Book

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