To all the lawyers in my life, proof that you’ve inadvertently warped my children:
Jane: Flora, baby, what are you doing?
Flora: I’m writing Ender a cease and desist letter.
Jane: You’re what?
Flora: I’m writing Ender cease and desist letter. Telling him to stop taking my pets and chucking them down the stairs.
Jane: Baby, why don’t you just ask him to stop?
Flora: Ask him? But if I just do that, what proof will there be that it really happened?
Flora: Do you still have your old tape recorder?