Flora: Mooom! How are you feeling today?

Jane: Um… pretty good. Thank you.

Flora: I mean—are you having a ‘I need to clean up messes’ kind of day, or a ‘If I have to clean up another poopy mess I’ll scream’ kind of day?

Jane: Um… I don’t think I like where this is heading. What happened?

Flora: Well, what kind of day are you having?

Jane: Why are you asking?

Flora: Well, I need to know whether I should restrain Maggie and ask you to go get toilet paper, or whether I should let her go and, you know, eat the poop?

Jane: Fucking hell, did Ender poop on the floor again?

Flora: Oh. That kind of day. Maggie… Maggie, where are you?

Jane: No! No! Don’t let the dog eat the poop!

Two lessons: a. My children know me much too well. Must fake being calm and in control more. b. Never, ever let our Boston Terrier runt lick your face. Never.