Flora: Mooom! How are you feeling today?
Jane: Um… pretty good. Thank you.
Flora: I mean—are you having a ‘I need to clean up messes’ kind of day, or a ‘If I have to clean up another poopy mess I’ll scream’ kind of day?
Jane: Um… I don’t think I like where this is heading. What happened?
Flora: Well, what kind of day are you having?
Jane: Why are you asking?
Flora: Well, I need to know whether I should restrain Maggie and ask you to go get toilet paper, or whether I should let her go and, you know, eat the poop?
Jane: Fucking hell, did Ender poop on the floor again?
Flora: Oh. That kind of day. Maggie… Maggie, where are you?
Jane: No! No! Don’t let the dog eat the poop!
Two lessons: a. My children know me much too well. Must fake being calm and in control more. b. Never, ever let our Boston Terrier runt lick your face. Never.