So she writes and says, “You haven’t been funny in a while, whazzup?” And I get all defensive and spittle goes out the corners of my mouth—she’s so lucky she’s writing from far away and not sitting across from me. But then I think… haven’t I? Perhaps not. It’s probably Joan Didion’s fault. That, and too much poetry, not enough television. That’s it. Ok. Funny. Funny, funny, funny. I haven’t forgotten how to do funny. Here you go, love:
So we’re walking down the street in the coolest ‘hood in YYC and they’re skipping and I’m skipping and all of a sudden Flora’s in tears, tears, tears, because—squished click beetle, so-very-dead, on the sidewalk.
Cinder: “Look! Another sign of spring!”
And that just makes it worse of course, tears, tears, what to say, wah, I don’t know, must say something, so I say…
Jane: “Sweetheart. Don’t cry. Someone will eat it and it will be part of…”
Flora: “Ugh! That is so gross!”
Cinder: “Betcha Ender will eat it.”
Ender: “Eat what?”
Cinder: “The dead beetle.”
Ender: “Mmmm… maybe?”
Jane: “I meant a bird or something! Not one of you!”
Flora: “Are you sure, Mom? Cause you’re kinda disgusting…”
And also, tricky. D’you see what I did there? Tears—gone.
Click beetle—not eaten by one of my children. But it’s not there when we walk back.
Jane: “See? Someone ate it.”
Cinder: “I bet it was that guy. Look—he’s a-chewing something…”
Ew, ew, ew.
Birds. I’m sure it was birds.
Wow, I think that was it. I. Got. Nothing.
Too much poetry.
yeah… nuthin. Nuthin, nuthin, nuthin funny coming out.
PS I’ve just finished reading Daniel Gilbert’s Stumbling on Happiness—brilliant, get it, read it, devour it—and, here, have a joke on Dan:
Two psychologists walk into a bar. One says. “You’re fine. How am I?”
Funny? I don’t know. But this video by Gilbert is funny AND it will tell you why you keep on making choices that don’t make ya’ happy. It won’t tell you how to stop doing that… but, you know. He had to save something for the book:
PS2 Actually, if you’re gonna read the book because you want to make better choices, let me save you some time: you’re kinda screwed, you’re not gonna… but at least you’ll know why. And it’s fatalistic. But if you’re not gonna read the book, at least read this: The Psychology of Your Future Self.
PS3 Why are you still here? Go get off your laptop or ‘fone, find a squished click beetle, stake it out, and see who eats it…