In the category of things I’d never thought I’d hear:
Ender: And Mom is driving AND eating bacon! That’s just wrong. And dangerous. Aren’t you going to stop her, Daddy?
In the category of things I’d never thought I’d say:
Jane: Do! Not! Use! Your! Butt! As! A! Bookmark!
In the category of things I hope other people don’t hear them say:
Cinder: Mom! Construction workers in the middle of the street! Go to ramming speed! Mom? Come on? Please? You can swerve to the side at the last second…
In the category of “This my life”:
Client: What we’re really looking for… See, how can I put this… Have you any experience… have you ever dealt with someone completely, totally irrational, unreasonable and prone to throwing temper tantrums at the least provocation—and you had to deal with them, and work around them, and get the job done in spite of them, because firing isn’t an option, and killing them is wrong?”
Jane: Yes. Yes, I have some experience in working with people like that.
I’m in the shower and I’m writing bad poetry in my head and life is really, really good.
That’s all. There’s no punchline. Maybe this: and nobody interrupted me.
PS Eating bacon while driving is NOT dangerous. Eating salted caramel ice cream, however, is.