I.
I know I’ve trained you all to NOT ask me if things are back to normal or how reconstruction is going. And I appreciate that. But I know you want to know. So. It’s going like this:
Flora: Oh, look, there’s one of the workers!
Sean: I don’t think we should call them workers. That suggests they actually, you know, work.
Cinder: We should call them the guys who come into our unit every once in a while and look around.
Flora: That’s not fair. Sometimes, they also smoke in our driveway.
And there you have it. That’s better than what Ender and his mother call them. Did you catch that, beloved, in my running away story? Go look.
II.
Flora: Ender’s so cute when he’s sleeping… and not demanding stuff!
Yup. Flora and I drink in that peaceful cherubic face… and magically, it blots out the trauma of the tantrum he threw when he found out that he could not share that chocolate croissant all by himself…
III.
Cinder: Mom? Are you running the ‘Who’s the most annoying child?’ contest today?
Jane: Um… well, no, I wasn’t planning on it… Why?
Cinder: Too bad. If you were, I think I just won. Want to know what I did?
Jane: No. No. Not even a little bit.
IV.
Flora: Mom! Where is my iPad?
Jane: On your bed, under the rainbow pillow.
Ender: Mooooooom! I can’t find my shark-car. Have you seen my shark-car?
Jane: In the bathtub, under the blue washcloth.
Cinder: Where is my Calvin & Hobbes book? Mom! Where is…
Jane: On the landing, under your snowpants!
Sean: Jaaaane! Have you seen my phone?
Jane: Under the couch…
Wait. I see the pattern. I am going to break it.
Flora: Mom? Where is…
Jane: I don’t know.
Ender: Mooooom!
Jane: Don’t know.
Cinder: Mom, I can’t find…
Jane: Not a clue.
Sean: Jane, have you seen…
Jane: Nope. Don’t. Know.
Will it work? Fingers crossed.
♠
Next week: a meditation on guilt and gratitude. And the week after… oh, that one, I really can’t wait for you to read. Do you “just want your kids to be happy?” Let that marinate in the back of your head for the next two weeks, and then you can read me explain why I don’t…
xoxo
Jane
P.S. My very brilliant friend Katia wrote this amazing piece last week on fighting in front of children: Forgive Me For Stomping All Over Your Victory. Highly recommended, insightful piece.
P.P.S. Yes, we have the plague right now. Three down. Two to go. But it’s only Wednesday…
Nothing By The Book 
I know that this is totallyshallowandwhocares but I do so here it is anyways, you look totally cute with the plague and all.
Thank you so much, my wonderful friend, for including that link. Meeting your standards of amazingness means the world to me.
Finally, I just can’t wait to hold The Most Annoying Kid contests with my own brood. Somehow I feel it’s going to be right up their alley… 🙂
Reward what they’re good at, right? ;P And I’m glad you think deathbed pallor suits me. I think…
The conversations in your house make me smile… 🙂
The ones in your house aren’t bad either. Have a peek, folks: http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com/2014/02/21/fly-on-the-wall-february-2014-the-party-animal-edition/
You all are hilarious. And I totally get section IV. Somehow, I know where everyone else’s stuff is, but can never find mine. Hmm… 🙂
I own three pairs of sunglasses and each is perpetually lost….
Love. You. Lots. Hope you’re better already. You still look hot though. And I so wanna know what Ender did to know he’d have won the most annoying kid contest. Oh and I don’t just want my son to be happy, no, and can’t wait to see where you go with that!
My blogging friends’ admiration for my deathbed/vomit-inducing pallor disturbs me. Is it because you secretly want me to DIE??? (A side-effect of the plague is extreme paranoia… ;P )
How is it that we have the same house but with only one kid. Guess what? That means the same child wins most annoying every. day. And as far as the where is everything conversation? You read my mind, that is basically my post for Monday!
Somehow you always make it seem ok. Like no matter what, you just except it. I will channel my inner Jane.
Don’t kill the child, don’t kill the husband, don’t kill the child, don’t kill the husband…
Infanticide and mariticide bad. Very bad. Hint: it is much easier to channel your inner Jane with a good supply of top-quality caffeine and chocolate, and plonk-quality wine.
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