Cinder: Mom? Can I go outside with a wrench? One of those really, really big ones? Or a crowbar?
Good to know: He knows where they are. He could just grab one. He’s asking to be told, ‘No.’
Jane: No.
Cinder: How about if I promise not to wield it as a weapon?
Jane: Um… No.
Cinder: Moooom! I promise, absolutely promise I will not bludgeon the girls with it.
Jane: No.
Cinder: Mooooom….
Jane: If you tell me I never let you do anything, I just might bludgeon you with it.
Cinder: Fine. Will you bake cookies?
Jane: Um… how about we bike over to Safeway and buy a box of Peak Freens?
Cinder: Deal.
What I’ve learned over the last 11 years of listening to Cinder: It’s really, really hard to say, “Mom, I’m feeling really left out of the game Flora and her friends are playing.” Much easier to say/do something that annoys the girls and requires an active Mother-intervention. Like chasing them with a wrench.
Always listen for the subtext. Even when you–like me–are inclined to take what is said as what is meant. Always. Subtext.
xoxo,
“Jane”
♥
From my newsfeed this am: My son wears dresses, get over it, by the brilliant Matt Duron.
From my archives: My sons don’t wear dresses anymore–or should I say right now, but they did; to wit: The return of the Princess dress.
Post of the week from my reader: Act Your Age? on the Tao of Poop. “Playdough has similar soothing properties to a glass of wine or Prozac,” she writes. And then just gets better.
Nothing By The Book 
I wonder if he ever really wanted the wrench. Maybe it was just a negotiation tactic to get cookies.
He wanted my attention. In some way…
Took me a while to learn this lesson. Once I did, it was my fave lesson to share with other parents of kids who liked to use actions and their bodies to communicate vs. “Words”. Thx for sharing!
There are many ways of communicating, right? It is rather unfortunate that for most of us, our preferred way of communicating/receiving information is so dominant.
As a parent of a boy, this will probably be a regular occurrence in my house. I do have to say that he is pretty much a genius…wrench…good call dude.
Note how he didn’t ask for the axe…
You are so wise!
Occasionally. 😛
LOVELY. I’d love to have you as a mom. You rock.
and I buy cookies.
Once you start baking them I’m moving to your place.
It’s so sweet that he asked. I’m sure mine would have taken it and I would have found out about bludgeoning after the fact.
That’s happened too. 🙂
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At least he knows how to make an entrance (and get a free box of cookies)…all in all great negotiation skills…a future leader methinks.