Strong start to the morning
Ender: Mama! I pee in potty!
Jane: Awesome! Way to go… um… if you peed in the potty, why is there a big puddle of pee on the floor?
Ender: I dump pee. Dump pee on floor. Hee hee hee.
Jane: Um… why?
Ender: Make footprints!
One day, he will be potty-trained. One day, he will be potty-trained. Oh, gods above, please, let him one day be potty-trained…
Gets even better in the afternoon…
Flora: Moooooom! Ender’s biting the dog again! Should I make him stop?
Jane: Well–yeah! Get him off her! Why are you even asking me?
Flora: Well–cause if he’s biting Maggie, then he’s not biting me. [Pause.] Or you.
Jane: That does make sense. … No, for Chris’ sake, get him off her. Poor dog.
[five minutes later]
Jane: Is he biting the dog again?
Flora: No, he’s dragging me around the floor by my feet. I knew we should have just left him biting the dog.
Photo: Ender and Maggie. We should have gotten him a Doberman.
Interlude for a telephone call…
Phone. I’m the kitchen. I run. I lose.
Ender: Hello… Mommy? Talk with Mommy? … No talk with Mama. … I go have nursies now. She too busy! [Receiver slam!]
It’s the Vice President (Legal) of a Calgary investment banking outfit. Of course. At least it wasn’t the CEO.
Every day ends. Mercifully. And in the evening…
Jane (reading): “Holi is a joyous Indian holiday that comes at the end of winter. Holi is also known as the festival of colors. On this holiday, people run through the streets smearing strangers and friends with colored powder and douring each other with colored water. At the end of the day, everyone is decked out in all the colors of the rainbow.”
Flora: Oh, oh, oh, we could totally do that tomorrow to celebrate the Equinox. Can we, Mom? Can we?
Jane: Well, it would be very fun, I totally agree. But all our neighbours would pretty much hate us.
Cinder: They already think we’re the crazy people, don’t they?
Originally published as From the sitcom that is my life, March 19, 2012