Of the apocalypse, euphemisms and (un)potty training, 2

I.

Jane: I don’t understand. I don’t understand how two people who love each other as much as I know you two do can fight so much!

Flora: Oh, Mom. Don’t worry. We’re just like Sadie and Carter. (Sadie and Carter Kane, from The Kane Chronicles.)

Cinder: Yeah, we fight all the time…

Flora: … but we cooperate when it matters.

Cinder: Yeah, we’d totally work together to save the world. Right, Flora?

Flora: Right… Ouch! Why’d you punch me?

Cinder: The world is not in peril right now.

The Revelation of St John: 4. The Four Riders ...

II.

Cinder: Mom! I taught Ender a new word!

Jane: Oh, dear God. Do I want to hear this?

Cinder: Ender! What do you say?

Ender: Butt sack! Butt sack!

Jane: Butt sack?

Cinder: It’s a euphemism. Do you want to know for what?

Jane: No.

III.

Jane: Ender, beloved, the potty is right there. Why did you pee on the floor? Again?

Ender: I hate potty. I never pee in potty again.

Jane: Why?

Ender: Potty evil.

Jane: Cinder!

Cinder: What? Why are you assuming I told him the potty was evil?

Silence.

Cinder: Well, it’s not like he was using it much anyway.

IV.

Flora: Moooom! Maggie’s drinking pee!

Jane: What? Oh… no, that’s okay, that’s water.

Flora: You… gave… Maggie… water… in… Ender’s POTTY?

Jane: Well… it’s not like he’s using it these days.

(first published June 15, 2012)

+++

Blogosphere Love Payback Moment: I still haven’t properly reciprocated to the funny Momtimes4 for the Very Inspirational Blogger Award,  and now the ridiculously awesome and hilarious Jenn from Something Clever 2.0 has passed on The Liebster to me. Thank you, lovelies–it’s always nice to know you’re not just throwing words into the ether, right? And I’ll dot the T’s and cross the I’s–wait, that doesn’t sound right–of the pay-forward when I can do so with some focus and concentration. In the meantime: thank you much. And keep on laughing. Because it’s cheaper than drugs or therapy…

15 thoughts on “Of the apocalypse, euphemisms and (un)potty training, 2

  1. Oh man loved the ending Jane. Seriously, I felt like that with my older one for a few months back last year. So frustrating potty training. Just so thankful, we are pretty much behind those days!!

    • We’re in the middle of the mother of all potty training regressions. Boys. He’s just lucky he’s the second and I really, really truly do know he won’t be peeing on the floor when he’s six. (He’ll be pissing off the balcony…)

    • … and then you’ll fondly look back on the days of silence. Just kidding. I’m so grateful I’ve been writing all of these down since they’ve started talking, because one forgets–and some of the things they say are so unbelievably hilarious and clever when I read them years later I sometimes wonder if I was making this stuff up…

  2. Jane, this is absolutely hilarious! I was totally bracing myself for the bookshelf story though (the potty training set back story you told me about the other day!!!) I really think you need to share that one with the world!

  3. Pingback: Why your children should never, ever learn the facts of life from their peers | Nothing By The Book

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