Sean: Gaaah! My children are grossing me out!
Sean: They’re playing with vermin! While I’m eating lunch!
Jane: Oh… Flora, do you have to change the meal worms’ bedding right now?
Flora: Yes. Because I’m supposed to do it every Sunday, and I didn’t have any Raisin Bran yesterday.
Cinder: Do the meal worms eat the raisins?
Flora: No, I’m picking out the raisins.
Sean: Didn’t you specifically tell me to buy the Raisin Bran?
Flora: Yes. The raisins are for me.
Jane: Ender! You can’t eat your turkey wrap if you’re playing with the meal worms. Here, give it to me.
Sean: New house rule. No eating while playing with vermin.
Cinder: Good one. How many does that make?
Jane: I don’t know. 713.
Cinder: Huh. I remember when we just had one.
Flora: Really? Which was was that?
Cinder: Pants at the table. Mom put it in place after the penis in scalding soup incident.
Jane: You remember that?
Cinder: Do you think I’ll ever forget?
Sean: Flora! There is a meal worm crawling towards my plate!
PS We have 24 meal worms–beetle larvae–living in our kitchen because a neighbour gave them to Flora. We’re getting him a kitten next week. Cause apparently that’s the new way we’re showing each other love in our neighbourhood. By giving our children pets. Patrick, you’ve been warned.