1

I’m a human, a mother and a writer. Roughly in that order, I think, because one must be human first, right? If we all agreed on that, we’d have world peace and all that. But whatever. Maybe you’re not a human first. Maybe your first label is narrower — you’re an American or a yoga instructor. Maybe it’s broader — you’re a primate, a vertebrate, an animal. I don’t want to pick a fight about this, ok? You’re what you are, and you need to be you. Me, I’m a human. A mother. A writer.

I am not a brand, and I’d really, really appreciate it if you’d stop pressuring me to be one.

Yes, you. All of you. Ok, maybe there’s a Buddhist monk in Tibet somewhere — or a psychonaut on Hornsby Island — who’s not on that wagon. (Of course, there are Buddhist monks with brands too; just google Thich Nhat Hanh or Sylvia Boorstein.)

But most of you? (Ok, I exaggerate, fine, not the whole entire world. But everyone in my professional and creative circles You know who, what I’m talking about.) You want me to be a brand.

I don’t wanna.

I really, really don’t.

I just want to be… a human. One who writes and makes and creates and laughs and cries and dances and stumbles, occasionally falls, sleeps and wakes up, lives and eventually dies.

And I want that to be enough.

Why isn’t it?

2

The new year is all about beginnings and endings and that’s dangerous. Reflections, too and that’s worse. It’s very, very dangerous to reflect and navel-gaze during winter’s dark. Right? Do not, do not make major life decisions at Winter Solstice. Or as of January 1, no matter how tempting that is. Wait for the Equinox, wait for spring.

When you have to wake up before sunrise, when the sun disappears before you wrap your day job… yeah. Bad time for making decisions. Hit pause. Wait until you feel the sun on your face in March.

3

Question: Was being human always hard? When, exactly, did we invent existential angst? Is there a gene for it? If yes, could I have it removed?

I realize that was four questions. Whatever.

Her: You know, there are drugs for this.

Jane: I know. I choose to experience the dark unmedicated. It’s part of the deal between the Super Ego and the Id. 

Her: For someone who repeatedly curses Freud’s outmoded theories, you sure reference him a lot.

Jane: Just because he was wrong about everything doesn’t meant mean the man didn’t spin an effective story.

4

Human, mother, writer.

Not a brand.

Enough as I am,

Even on the bad days.

There’s great freedom in utter insignificance. Right?

5

Sidenote: I’ve written some really funny stuff in the dark.

6

Her: I get what you were trying to do with the juxtaposition of these two topics in this post but I don’t think it’s working.

Jane: But it’s on brand.

xoxo

“Jane”