I’ve instituted a new rule in my house. You’re welcome to copy it. It might save your marriage. It is thus:
DO NOT TEXT ME ABOUT ANYTHING IMPORTANT.
This is my compromise on the rule that I initially proposed, which was the draconian:
DO NOT TEXT ME.
This is because—ready? Revolutionary!—we do not speak the same texting language. AT all
I’m working out of the house. Ping.
Sean: We are out of milk.
My reaction: Why the fuck are you interrupting my work flow with this inanity? (I don’t text it. But I THINK it.)
What he meant:
“We’re out of milk; could you pick some up on your way home?”
My reaction to which would have been:
But instead I’m pissed, my flow disrupted, and I wonder why I didn’t turn off the phone?
I am out in the wild with the children and I see something beautiful-ugly-heartbreaking and I take a photo and I send it. Ping.
Jane: [Image]. Heart-broken. Sobbing. Despair.
Sean: WTF? Are you ok? What happened?
What he wishes I had said:
“Look at this disturbing picture of [X] I took. Doesn’t it make you think of heart-break? Despair? It is so evocative!”
What I want him to say in response to what I actually said (didn’t say, implied, experienced, tried to convey with fragmented words):
“God. Baby. Beautiful. I love you.”
Jane: 2 out of 3 of our children want to go swimming and I’m going to force the other child to cooperate. Should we wait until you get back home so we can go together?
Sean: Walking from Bridgeland to downtown. PS Forgot to take out the steaks to defrost.
Jane: Does not answer my question.
Sean: I also have to go print photos after.
Jane: You! Still! Have! Not! Answered! My! Question!
But he thinks he has…
Right? He’s said:
“Here are all the things I’m doing and have to do.”
But he hasn’t said, what I need to hear, which is:
“There is no way I will make it back in time, go without me.”
Or even, you know, I’ll accept this:
“I really don’t want to go swimming. Just go with the kids; I’ll see you at home later.”
Dedicated to that girl I love, so far away now. You know who you are. Who insisted I should get a cell phone. And ruined my life. ;P
(Not really. But. Don’t you sometimes wish you could go back? I do…)